4 Years... 4 years wasted... Within 4 years, you can already
construct a new highway, grow a few centimeters, finish your masters
degree in short you can accomplish many things. Have you accomplished
anything for yourself in the past 4 years of your life? If yes, then
good for you. I just wasted mine.
My parents raised me as a
christian and taught me everything they know about God. They taught me
how to fear and love God. I did. It's just not enough. We often say that
we are a God-fearing person. We say that we believe in God. Well that's
nice but do you know that the devil also believe and fear God? James
2:19 (NLT) says "You say you have faith, for you believe that there is
one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in
terror." Well, I was like this before. I fear God. I believe in him but
I continue on committing sins. INTENTIONAL! Why? Simply to satisfy
myself. To make me happy. Believing in him and fearing him is not
enough. We should love him with all our heart, with all our soul, with
all our mind. (Matthew 22:37)
I am a church goer before
from I think 2002 to early 2008. I used to have a small group and
suddenly I just stopped going to church. I just stopped attending our
small group discussion. I also stopped praying. For 4 years I was so
selfish. I just think about myself. I don't think about him. Not at
all! I can't really tell why. It just happened. I was so busy looking
for the things that can make me happy. I was indulged in sin. I kept on
doing it over and over again because it can make me happy. It is really
fun. (If you know what kind of sin is that, ask me. It is one of the 7
deadly sins. I don’t think there is a sin that is not fun doing) It
really made me happy but without it, you would feel empty. You'll keep
on looking for it to satisfy yourself again. I am so ashamed. I can't
even talk to God because I know I'm doing something not pleasing to him.
Even though I’m aware of this, I won’t stop. I just don’t know how. I
just love doing it.
My mom would always ask me why I
stopped going to church. I just can’t give her an answer. Whenever she
talks about God I can’t even listen. I want to change the topic.
Anything that doesn’t involve God. She sometimes ask me if I still pray,
I would just say yes even I don’t. (another sin). Sometimes I want to
tell her to stop asking me about those things for I can’t really give
her a straight answer. She would even read some passage from the bible,
she wrote it on a paper and hand it over to me. I would just scan those
notes and just paste it on my cork board without even understanding the
thought of that passage. (I’ll read it now)
I just
finished reading it and I didn’t notice that she gave me 3 note with
the same passage from Ecclesiastes 11:19 NIV says “Be happy, young man,
while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your
youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but
know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment.” That
could be unintentional but for sure she knew that I’m sinning while
enjoying. Total of 11 notes some of them are just love letters. (I love
my mom). She just told me that she did that to me to have faith with the
Lord again. I’m just a stubborn son to her and to my Creator. I didn’t
listen. I just went on. I ignored those things and live as if there is
no heaven and hell.
I always believed that “happiness is a
choice and it comes from within”. For 4 years, that is maybe the only
reason why I’m happy. I didn’t know I feel so empty. At one point in my
life, I believed in luck, horoscope and other meaningless stuff.
There
is something that I really enjoy and for sure everyone enjoys it. I
keep on looking for it. It is addictive. All of the sudden, I became
unsuccessful in pursuing that “evil stuff”. I think my luck just
expired. I didn’t give up. Not that easily. I didn’t know that God is
already preparing me for this day for this time of my life. He wants me
to trust him again. He wants me to love him again and love him even
more. He no longer wants me to sin that’s why he rejected all those
searches. I’m really ashamed of him. I can’t talk to him because I am a
sinner.
I’m glad my mother kept on pushing me to have
faith with him again. Her prayers were finally answered after 4 years. I
finally decided to find my way back to him for from the day I was born,
I am his’. Its not just because its 2012. I don’t believe that the end
is near. Its just an idea for those who doesn’t believe in him. His word
must be preached to the whole world before the end will come. Matthew
24:14. I just want to make things right. I want to start my year right.
The
enemy attacked me and made me lie in my bed for 3 days. I just missed
the first worship service of this year because of that illness. I felt
bad. I badly want to go back to church again but there, an illness
struck me.
Now, I’m on my way to him again but I don’t
know what path to take. What church to go to. Do I need to go back to my
old church or try a different church? I came up with a decision to try a
different church hoping that I would grow spiritually. I didn’t have
any spiritual growth during my stay at my old church. I blame it to the
church and just realized that I did nothing for my own spiritual growth.
Pastors, and friends are there to help you but you need to find the way
on your own. You need to act upon it. I’m just glad that God gave me
the answer to go back to my old church.
I’m about to
attend to a different church with a friend because she is a member of
that church but all of the sudden, she was not able to attend the Sunday
service for some reason. I said to myself, there is no way I would miss
this 2nd Sunday. So I took it as a sign from God that he wants me to go
back to my old Church. Right now, I’m glad I did!
I never
felt like this way before. I feel complete. I feel alive. I was dead 4
years ago. I was so selfish but now I think more of him (Jesus) and less
of me.
Even I’m on the process of my way back to him, I
had a struggle. I feel like I can’t give up anything for him. There is
still something that I want to do even though I know that it is pleasing
to him. Even I started going to church again, there are some things
that I still do just to satisfy myself. I just can’t give it up. But God
is so good. He is so faithful. He gave me the strength and the desire
to give up everything for him. One day, I’ve decided to give up
everything and not fall to any temptation. It is so difficult but “No
temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is
faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But
when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can
stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13.
Every time I feel
tempted, I just pray to God and ask him to stay away from that
temptation. When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For
God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is
tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.
James 1:13-14. He would give us the way out. We can do anything through
him who gives us strength. Philippians 4:13.
I fell in
love with Jesus even more today unlike before. The King of kings died
for my sins. For it is by grace I have been saved! Ephesians 2:8. Jesus
is my Lord and Savior. He died for me so I will live for him. I’m
eagerly waiting to be used by him for his glory.
Jesus loves us. 1 John 4:19 Since he loves us, we ought to love one another. 1 John 4:11
Its
not yet late to give up our lives to God. We just need to turn away
from our sins. Repent to God and accept Jesus to be your Lord and
Savior. Whoever believes in him will not perish but will have an eternal
life. John 3:16
Always remember this:
Jesus is the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:6
Jesus
is our only hope. He is the only one we need. If you believe, you will
receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:22
This
my personal testimony. According to Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars hill
church, Biography is about yourself while testimony is about Jesus.
I pray to God that whoever read this testimony, he will speak to that person and he will be drawn closer to God.
I
conclude that you can definitely be happy without God but you can never
find the “True Happiness” without God for he is the only one who can
give your hearts desire and can give you the happiness that will never
end.
Thank you and God Bless you! I hope you felt blessed in a way.
Verse used in this paragraph:
James 2:19 (NLT):
You
say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for
you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror.
Matthew 22:37 (NIV):
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
Ecclesiastes 11:19 (NIV):
Be
happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy
in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever
your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to
judgment.
Matthew 24:14 (NIV):
And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV):
No
temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is
faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But
when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can
stand up under it.
James 1:13-14 (NIV):
When
tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be
tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when,
by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.
Philippians 4:13 (NIV):
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
1 John 4:19 (NIV):
We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:11 (NIV):
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
John 14:6 (NIV):
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Matthew 21:22 (NIV):
If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
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